No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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