I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what day is it and did you see me today?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
