he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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