I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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