Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this boner is exhausting
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize