she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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