Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
