why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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