Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
