is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
