Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
