Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
