i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
