He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Small penises have feelings too.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
