So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
