I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
