She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
