So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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