I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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