you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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