I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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