Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just found puke in my bra..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
