this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
