Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
