I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
