tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
