guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
