I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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