You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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