Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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