Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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