I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
