I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
