we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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