That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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