My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
