Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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