chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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