she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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