Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
