we're chasing vodka with high fives
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
