If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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