why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
