dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
