I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
where are you?
Hypothermia
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
