Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
