I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
