I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
