am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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