I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
