Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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