A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize